i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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