as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I supernannyed him into submission
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize