I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
