So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
