I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
