Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
