we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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