I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
