My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize