I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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