he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
