you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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