Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
