I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
