sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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