i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
