Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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