You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
