I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
