So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
