Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just want nice things and good sex
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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