Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
