Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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