Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
