I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
