And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
