what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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