I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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