we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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