I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
