I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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