"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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