Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
