Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
