you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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