there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
