saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
