You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
