I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There's always time for handjobs
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize