if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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