I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
two words: eviction party
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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