I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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