i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize