I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
