i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize