My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
