You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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