The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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