Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
