I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
