go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
