We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize