what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
