I wanna bring you to show and tell
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
