i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
