Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Everyone says I win the strip club
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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