Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
it's like heaven, but drunker
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You need Xanax blowdarts
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
