dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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