I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
