I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
