the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
