It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
