You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
