Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
